Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Should you share everything?

Do you always need to know everything and tell all? 

Last night I went out for my acupuncture appointment.  I had tried going during the day, leaving Baby M at the crèche for an hour.  The appointment had to be abandoned after 15 minutes because she wouldn't stop crying and I could hardly relax hearing her crying in the background.  I thought leaving Baby M for a couple of hours with her Dad would be the easier solution.

As always my treatment was fantastic.  I got to relax for 45 minutes and the magic needles got rid of my headache. I arrived home in a great mood hoping to eat dinner and have an early night.  

My great mood was knocked a bit when my other half barely looked up from his laptop when I came in, but then I made the mistake of asking if Baby M had gone to bed ok.  In response I got a "yes" that was barely more than a grunt.  So I enquired further.  It turns out that she was crying for about 45 minutes before going to sleep.  This took away my great mood.  Instantly I felt guilt for going out.  If I had stayed at home there is a good chance there would have been no crying and she would have settled easily like she does for me most evenings.  My other half says that he didn't want to tell me about the crying because he knew it would upset me.  How can I help prevent the same thing happening again if he doesn't tell me?

One of my friends had a similar situation when her in laws were babysitting.  She found out they lied to her about how much food her daughter had eaten as well as ignoring what time to feed her and give her naps.

For most young babies the main caregiver will be the mum.  This inevitably means that they will be the closest person to the baby have the best idea of what the baby needs to be happy.  At times though the mum will need to leave her baby with others.  Is it realistic to expect her advice is followed and to get accurate information afterwards about what happened?

Knowing that my wishes will be ignored makes me reluctant to leave Baby M again.  If I can't leave her with her Dad though (or trained professionals at a crèche) who can I leave her with?

To make my mood worse my other half hadn't made dinner. This was reasonable given that he had only had 20 minutes after finally settling Baby M and he had chosen to spend that time relaxing, except he didn't tell me that.  I made myself a sandwich and took it to bed.  With both of us in a mood I got no good night kiss and a bad nights sleep.

When I'm stressed or in a mood I need to share to de-stress.  Telling your husband how much they are annoying you doesn't tend to go down very well so in the past I have vented via twitter.  The wonderful mums and friends on there listen and respond in good humour swiftly making me feel better. Recently my other half joined twitter so I've lost that outlet.  

So what is making me feel better today? My baby blowing raspberries and grinning.  Instant medicine.

In conclusion?  Please share honestly when I ask something or if it's something I need to know, but if I don't: keep it quiet and hide it well. 

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