Saturday, 24 September 2011

And the wait goes on...

Monday was my due date by scans.  No baby
Tuesday was my due date by ovulation.  No baby
Wednesday was my due date by last period.  No baby

It’s now Saturday and guess what?  No baby!

I know I’m still in the normal window, but each morning when I wake up and realise I’m still not in labour I feel a wave of disappointment.  I also know that there is a limit to how much longer I will be pregnant, as much as some part of my brain keeps telling me I might be pregnant forever or that despite the scans etc that I might be having a phantom pregnancy.

One of the things I’m finding most frustrating is everyone’s advice that I should enjoy sleeping, relaxing, having time to myself etc.  Yes I know that all these things will be in very short supply when the baby gets here but I’m bored, fed up with my own company, uncomfortable sitting around and can only sleep for so much of the day.  Plus I’m convinced that sleep doesn’t work like money: I can’t stockpile a supply of it to get me through the next 18 years.  Isn’t it worse if you are sleeping 12 hours a day and then get cut down to 2, than if you are used to managing on less sleep?  (I would note I haven’t managed to stockpile money either)

I’m trying to make the most of this time, I really am, but there are only so many people I know who are free during the day and only so many times I can clean the house.  I’ve tried knitting too, but I can only do a maximum of 4 rows of my blanket before my back gets to the point where I have to move.

I’m no good at waiting (I think I may have mentioned that before).

It appears my family and friends aren’t very good at waiting either.  I’ve had several calls from family asking if anything has happened yet.  I’m tempted to say “yes, you have a granddaughter, she was born a week ago we just forgot to tell you.  It’s just as well you called”. 

My body is continuing to gear up for the birth.  I’ve had twinges in my lower belly for a week and a half now.  They are gradually getting stronger, but no contractions (or other signs of labour).  I’ve had 2 lots of acupuncture where the acupuncturist has been working on my points to encourage the baby to come, and I have been massaging these points myself in between sessions. 

One thing is clear: baby doesn’t want to come out yet.

Monday, 12 September 2011

Everyone loves to touch a pregnant belly...

... apparently.  

Throughout my pregnancy not a single stranger has tried (or asked) to touch my growing bump, not even any acquaintances.  Only very close friends and family and most of them asked first.

Am I really that scary?  Is the belly touching thing a myth? Or is it because I live on the edge of London and Essex and everyone is anti-social?

Am I ready?

At 37 weeks I had a sudden panic:  “help, I’m considered full term, the baby could come at any moment”.   As the minutes, hours and days passed without any sign my baby wanted to make an appearance I became increasingly frustrated.  That was until one day last week when one of my friends visited with her 2 children.

Her oldest child is two and a half, and youngest nearly one.  For several hours I was constantly on my feet keeping an eye on them as my house isn’t childproofed and cats aren’t used to being poked and chased by children.  Both of the children were constantly moving around, exploring and generally doing the things children do.  And that was before we had lunch and a fine layer of fish fingers and plums was smeared over my sofa, rug, table, tv...  It was an eye opener about just how much my life will change.

Since the visit I have been enjoying the remainder of my pregnancy.  I’m 39 weeks today and quite happy to be pregnant for another 3 weeks.  Once the baby is born things will never be the same again.  Despite the current discomfort and niggles I’m happy to enjoy the last few days of napping when I want and going out with only myself to organise.

I know about 8 people who have had babies in the last month, all with very different birth stories (good and bad).   I’ve heard some horror stories, but I’m feeling very relaxed about giving birth.  Women have been doing it for thousands of years.  I’m fit and healthy and there is no reason why there should be any problems.  Even if there are the medical staff are trained and know what to do to ensure my baby and I get safely through.

The only thing I’m concerned about is how I’m going to cope with my new life with the baby.  Already I have noticed a distance between myself and some old friends.  Friends who have the freedom to do what they want, when they want.  Do I have to lose these friends and make a whole new set?   I know it’s inevitable that I will make new friends with children of a similar age.  It’s a survival thing.  But I’m still not sure if I am ready to say goodbye to my old life.  And do I have any choice?